Called the nurse first thing today and left a message. She got back to me later this morning.
The oncotype came back a 29; this translates to a 19% reoccurrence rate. My doctor believes I would benefit from chemo. It would drop that number by 1/3. It's an "intermediate" number which is not as clear as a low or a high. But it's a high intermediate.. 31 is considered high. [this on a 1-100 scale]
It was a difficult morning. I immediately locked my keys in my car. Wound up a bit wobbly emotionally which I didn't expect. Had a lot of stuff I wanted to get done and really I just didn't feel --- ok.
Guess I had my hopes up. Did some reading tonight. I'll do more and talk more this coming week. They tentatively scheduled me to start October 11...
I'm just not sure. One minute I am. Then I'm not.
Bad day. Duck and cover I say.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Posted with Blogsy
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Russia
So I'm fascinated (and more than a little curious) that someone has looked at my blog 117 times from Russia. Since I dont know anyone in Russia or traveling in Russia, my assumption is either one of my readers has their computer somehow set up stating that they are in Russia when they are not; OR there is some random person from Russia who somehow came across my blog and likes it.
Which is great don't get me wrong --- just unexpected and makes me curious...
Which is great don't get me wrong --- just unexpected and makes me curious...
Someone should tell
Someone should tell you when you're diagnosed with cancer how much waiting you'll do during this process.
Everyone should be assigned a helper or a manual on how to get through the waiting part. I mean I can find ways to entertain myself, don't get me wrong. It's the inside my head stuff that's hard.
*waits*
Everyone should be assigned a helper or a manual on how to get through the waiting part. I mean I can find ways to entertain myself, don't get me wrong. It's the inside my head stuff that's hard.
*waits*
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
The Austin/Hegnauer clan sent me a lucky penny, dug up from the yard of their 1884 house, this 1891 Indian head penny has joined the other talismans in my bag. So cool!
My sister sent me some magic beans, there's a story that goes with these which I'm still waiting to hear but the color is stunning and when they arrived they were plump and moist...
Brian M who (as far as I know) doesn't know about my diagnosis... Sent me their new shop shirt-- which I thought had a fitting saying on the front, along with their frenchy wearing a fez hat. All wonderful things in my book!
Tired this morning.
My sister sent me some magic beans, there's a story that goes with these which I'm still waiting to hear but the color is stunning and when they arrived they were plump and moist...
Brian M who (as far as I know) doesn't know about my diagnosis... Sent me their new shop shirt-- which I thought had a fitting saying on the front, along with their frenchy wearing a fez hat. All wonderful things in my book!
Tired this morning.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Catch up time
Yep I've been gone for a bit -- did you miss me?
So let's see we made it home in the wee hours of the morning. We found out that Alicia had a similar evening/early morning so they took a later plane and got in in the afternoon on Saturday.
We had an awesome visit, spending time with a wee child has a profound effect on me. Exhausting as they are, they live in such a serene universe ( one of great power at the age 3 ). One of magic, one of wonder and discovery, one of openness and freedom to totally be yourself.
Alicia and I found time to talk a bit about the experience of having cancer and our moms having cancer and being daughter's at risk etc. She is my mother, sister, daughter and I am hers. We are forever connected and she for me is my connection to the spirit world. She is the person I would chose to be stranded on a desert island with...need I say more?
Back to work today back to worry. Thursday I should know if chemo is in my future. So much to do. So much I cannot do. Radiation should give me super powers, right? The tape itches and the lines not covered by tape are slowly being sweated off. I sweat when I sleep.
I miss my cancer free life. To some degree I was less happy. I know it sounds crazy, but cancer makes you crazy. Crazy and I guess sometimes happier. Pointless to be miserable AND have cancer that's what I say...still trying to figure it out.
Tomorrow I'll update you on the wonderful mail I've received recently.
So let's see we made it home in the wee hours of the morning. We found out that Alicia had a similar evening/early morning so they took a later plane and got in in the afternoon on Saturday.
We had an awesome visit, spending time with a wee child has a profound effect on me. Exhausting as they are, they live in such a serene universe ( one of great power at the age 3 ). One of magic, one of wonder and discovery, one of openness and freedom to totally be yourself.
Alicia and I found time to talk a bit about the experience of having cancer and our moms having cancer and being daughter's at risk etc. She is my mother, sister, daughter and I am hers. We are forever connected and she for me is my connection to the spirit world. She is the person I would chose to be stranded on a desert island with...need I say more?
Back to work today back to worry. Thursday I should know if chemo is in my future. So much to do. So much I cannot do. Radiation should give me super powers, right? The tape itches and the lines not covered by tape are slowly being sweated off. I sweat when I sleep.
I miss my cancer free life. To some degree I was less happy. I know it sounds crazy, but cancer makes you crazy. Crazy and I guess sometimes happier. Pointless to be miserable AND have cancer that's what I say...still trying to figure it out.
Tomorrow I'll update you on the wonderful mail I've received recently.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
95% on time
Oh that pesky 5%.
The train left on time; was running on time until about 7pm at which point it stopped. Two, yes 2, freight trains had broken down on the tracks ahead of us. This created huge backlog, filling all the side rails available etc. We waited for approximately 2.5 hours.
Our reasonable, but rushed, arrival with pending airport guest pick up the next morning turned into a very unreasonable cranky tired home arrival of 2am and a early morning departure by T to lay the guys out on a job.
I've already managed to smear my sternum lines. Night sweats are a bear.
Looking forward to seeing Alicia and the xo, albeit through bleary eyes.
The train left on time; was running on time until about 7pm at which point it stopped. Two, yes 2, freight trains had broken down on the tracks ahead of us. This created huge backlog, filling all the side rails available etc. We waited for approximately 2.5 hours.
Our reasonable, but rushed, arrival with pending airport guest pick up the next morning turned into a very unreasonable cranky tired home arrival of 2am and a early morning departure by T to lay the guys out on a job.
I've already managed to smear my sternum lines. Night sweats are a bear.
Looking forward to seeing Alicia and the xo, albeit through bleary eyes.
Friday, August 24, 2012
A different kind of sprout...
Or tattoo.
A snapshot of things to come. Had my simulation --a crazy combination of Dr.s appt., art class, and a tattoo appt. With radiation techs drawing and taping wires in different configurations on my chest; ct scans; and more drawing, measuring, and yes actual tattooing.
"does it feel the same as when you get the kind of tattoos you have?" "we've been told ours hurt more"
I respond "it's probably cuz when you get a new tattoo you are excited and happy and when you get radiation, well not so much"...
"oh yah, I guess that makes sense"
I am to "wash around the lines" and "not let water hit on them" to keep them as much as possible. I do have 5 tattoos (yes actual permanent marks)which are done in red. Red. So random red dots. Oh goodie. [apparently I was mistaken and the tattoos are black, blue? Not red. So many marks...]
I was so happy to get the two pieces of surgical tape off...and now I have like 14. And a full blueprint drawn on me.
Radiation scheduled for 9/4, 5, 6, 7, and 10. More than a week in St. Louis. A cancellation of plans. Booking of new hotels. A rearrangement of expected treatments. Flexibility is needed.
I know I'm supposed to be calm but if it wasn't for T I expect I'd be in a corner somewhere, staring blankly. It's a bit much for a girl like me who likes to plan and have plans happen as planned.
Remembering to breathe, and smile. And have gratitude. The cherry pie was gluey but still helped.
A snapshot of things to come. Had my simulation --a crazy combination of Dr.s appt., art class, and a tattoo appt. With radiation techs drawing and taping wires in different configurations on my chest; ct scans; and more drawing, measuring, and yes actual tattooing.
"does it feel the same as when you get the kind of tattoos you have?" "we've been told ours hurt more"
I respond "it's probably cuz when you get a new tattoo you are excited and happy and when you get radiation, well not so much"...
"oh yah, I guess that makes sense"
I am to "wash around the lines" and "not let water hit on them" to keep them as much as possible. I do have 5 tattoos (yes actual permanent marks)
I was so happy to get the two pieces of surgical tape off...and now I have like 14. And a full blueprint drawn on me.
Radiation scheduled for 9/4, 5, 6, 7, and 10. More than a week in St. Louis. A cancellation of plans. Booking of new hotels. A rearrangement of expected treatments. Flexibility is needed.
I know I'm supposed to be calm but if it wasn't for T I expect I'd be in a corner somewhere, staring blankly. It's a bit much for a girl like me who likes to plan and have plans happen as planned.
Remembering to breathe, and smile. And have gratitude. The cherry pie was gluey but still helped.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Serendipity
Serendipity means a "happy accident" or "pleasant surprise"; specifically, the accident of finding something good or useful while not specifically searching for it. The word has been voted one of the ten English words hardest to translate in June 2004 by a British translation company.[1] However, due to its sociological use, the word has been exported into many other languages.[2] Julius H. Comroe once described serendipity as : to look for a needle in a haystack and get out of it with the farmer's daughter.[3]
So as the readers should know I've tried really hard to plan things out; stay a few steps ahead of the action taking place; get all the information up front so I can manage my care plan (since it was made clear there wasn't really one person in charge ...). On our first visit to St. Louis, we spoke with the surgeon, the medical oncologist, a plastics specialist, and the radiation oncologist. When we spoke with the radiation folks I asked them about the difference between the newer more focused (shorter duration) radiation treatment and the more common 6-8 week course of radiation. We discussed the development of the new technology, what made people candidates for one or the other, etc. Although the oncologist couldn't say for sure until later, he said based on what they knew at the time (small tumor, etc) I could be a candidate for the shorter course.
After this trip but before surgery I spoke with all of the offices again and asked a range of follow up questions -- including how long do you have to wait after surgery to do chemo (or radiation if we didn't do chemo)? And how long after chemo can you start radiation? I had been told ( I thought) that you had to do radiation AFTER chemo if you were going to do chemo.
Since we hadn't figured out the chemo part of it... After surgery I was focused on working on the chemo question; and figured radiation was on hold until that question was resolved.
So because of the kerfluffle caused by Jackie... I wound up with an appointment schedule this trip to see Dr. Naughton (medical oncologist) without really having a reason to see him. His nurse Paula and I discussed skipping it... But then she and I were both "eh, you're gonna be there anyway..."
So this is what I found out at my visit with Dr. Naughton:
1. He was pleasantly surprised to see I was not gene positive ( he totally thought based on my initial biopsy that I would be).
2. He was happy to see that the tumor was smaller than originally thought (apparently those millimeters really matter!), and that the lymph nodes were clear.
3. He was pleasantly surprised to note that they downgraded the grade number from 3 to 2. I made sure he knew it cuz I was sure this would be a significant deal.
4. He did say, when asked by me, that all of these things DID change his position of recommending chemo at this point; but it would now hinge on the oncotype results.
5. Oncotype results are given in a number not a yes or no. If it comes back as low single digits chemo is off the table!!!!! If it comes back as doUble digits - chemo is recommended. If its high single digits, we'll have to make a decision.
6. He wants to make sure he treats me to give me the greatest chance of cancer free life but does not want to provide treatment that is unnecessary or overkill.
7. On Thursday next week we would know the results and he would call me (usually they require an in person meeting but he was ok doing it on the phone due to where I lived).
At some point he asked about radiation and I mentioned that Dr. Zobari thought I might be a candidate for the short course. At that point he became a bit concerned and let me know there was a window to do the short course and it was done usually prior to chemo?!?! What? Huh?
He said he would call him, and that if Dr. Z wanted to move forward -- to go with it -- and if they did chemo then it would be after. So effing confusing...
We checked out, we had lunch, we went to the train station. [we had an amazing lunch, so good that I didn't take a single photo. Seriously the food was just that good. ] thanks to the Courtney for providing chauffeur services!
Got to the train station and realized I had a call from unknown a.k.a. Some Dr.s office ( or my friend Dan). It was Dr. Zobari's nurse, Melissa. They had a "simulation appointment available tomorrow morning if I wanted it.". This is the ct scan they do in advance of radiation to determine what kind and exact placement of the radiation-- a practice run with everything but the actual radiation. So we are at the station with a train leaving in 2 hours... And we need to decide if to stay or go...
Call Melissa back, she's not at desk; jump through hoops to get human to help, she pages Melissa who's with a pt. no response -- she says she'll have her call as soon as she's done. Thad calls hotel, yes there's a room available will hold it. I talk to ticketing yes we can switch tickets if we need to, currently there's space on tomorrow's train. T says I should call back and book the appt, we can cancel if Melissa says we can do it later next month. Call to book the appt. Melissa answers... Says yes there's a window, 6 weeks from surgery which means 4 weeks for the simulation. If we don't do it now, we should do it within a week. We decide to stay.
Switch tickets, get taxi back to hotel. If things didn't happen as they had, including Jackie being a bitch and kerfuffling my appt I may have missed my window. It's one thing if they medically decide I'm not a candidate. It's another if I missed the short course cuz of stupid communication error.
Tomorrow I go and get the simulation (10am pretesting, 11am simulation, done by noon). Thanks to my bosses and T's for being so understanding -- and thanks to the family for flowing with the jumps and jerks of this process.
Maybe I'll have short course radiation and NO chemo... A girl can dream.
So as the readers should know I've tried really hard to plan things out; stay a few steps ahead of the action taking place; get all the information up front so I can manage my care plan (since it was made clear there wasn't really one person in charge ...). On our first visit to St. Louis, we spoke with the surgeon, the medical oncologist, a plastics specialist, and the radiation oncologist. When we spoke with the radiation folks I asked them about the difference between the newer more focused (shorter duration) radiation treatment and the more common 6-8 week course of radiation. We discussed the development of the new technology, what made people candidates for one or the other, etc. Although the oncologist couldn't say for sure until later, he said based on what they knew at the time (small tumor, etc) I could be a candidate for the shorter course.
After this trip but before surgery I spoke with all of the offices again and asked a range of follow up questions -- including how long do you have to wait after surgery to do chemo (or radiation if we didn't do chemo)? And how long after chemo can you start radiation? I had been told ( I thought) that you had to do radiation AFTER chemo if you were going to do chemo.
Since we hadn't figured out the chemo part of it... After surgery I was focused on working on the chemo question; and figured radiation was on hold until that question was resolved.
So because of the kerfluffle caused by Jackie... I wound up with an appointment schedule this trip to see Dr. Naughton (medical oncologist) without really having a reason to see him. His nurse Paula and I discussed skipping it... But then she and I were both "eh, you're gonna be there anyway..."
So this is what I found out at my visit with Dr. Naughton:
1. He was pleasantly surprised to see I was not gene positive ( he totally thought based on my initial biopsy that I would be).
2. He was happy to see that the tumor was smaller than originally thought (apparently those millimeters really matter!), and that the lymph nodes were clear.
3. He was pleasantly surprised to note that they downgraded the grade number from 3 to 2. I made sure he knew it cuz I was sure this would be a significant deal.
4. He did say, when asked by me, that all of these things DID change his position of recommending chemo at this point; but it would now hinge on the oncotype results.
5. Oncotype results are given in a number not a yes or no. If it comes back as low single digits chemo is off the table!!!!! If it comes back as doUble digits - chemo is recommended. If its high single digits, we'll have to make a decision.
6. He wants to make sure he treats me to give me the greatest chance of cancer free life but does not want to provide treatment that is unnecessary or overkill.
7. On Thursday next week we would know the results and he would call me (usually they require an in person meeting but he was ok doing it on the phone due to where I lived).
At some point he asked about radiation and I mentioned that Dr. Zobari thought I might be a candidate for the short course. At that point he became a bit concerned and let me know there was a window to do the short course and it was done usually prior to chemo?!?! What? Huh?
He said he would call him, and that if Dr. Z wanted to move forward -- to go with it -- and if they did chemo then it would be after. So effing confusing...
We checked out, we had lunch, we went to the train station. [we had an amazing lunch, so good that I didn't take a single photo. Seriously the food was just that good. ] thanks to the Courtney for providing chauffeur services!
Got to the train station and realized I had a call from unknown a.k.a. Some Dr.s office ( or my friend Dan). It was Dr. Zobari's nurse, Melissa. They had a "simulation appointment available tomorrow morning if I wanted it.". This is the ct scan they do in advance of radiation to determine what kind and exact placement of the radiation-- a practice run with everything but the actual radiation. So we are at the station with a train leaving in 2 hours... And we need to decide if to stay or go...
Call Melissa back, she's not at desk; jump through hoops to get human to help, she pages Melissa who's with a pt. no response -- she says she'll have her call as soon as she's done. Thad calls hotel, yes there's a room available will hold it. I talk to ticketing yes we can switch tickets if we need to, currently there's space on tomorrow's train. T says I should call back and book the appt, we can cancel if Melissa says we can do it later next month. Call to book the appt. Melissa answers... Says yes there's a window, 6 weeks from surgery which means 4 weeks for the simulation. If we don't do it now, we should do it within a week. We decide to stay.
Switch tickets, get taxi back to hotel. If things didn't happen as they had, including Jackie being a bitch and kerfuffling my appt I may have missed my window. It's one thing if they medically decide I'm not a candidate. It's another if I missed the short course cuz of stupid communication error.
Tomorrow I go and get the simulation (10am pretesting, 11am simulation, done by noon). Thanks to my bosses and T's for being so understanding -- and thanks to the family for flowing with the jumps and jerks of this process.
Maybe I'll have short course radiation and NO chemo... A girl can dream.
All smiles!
After a funny and slightly awkward interaction with a medical student; Dr. Gillanders went over the pathology report with me.
Tumor 1.1 cm (smaller than previously thought)
Clear margins (healthy tissue all around tumor removed -- so got it all )
So confirmed stage one tumor
No lymph node involvement so no metastatic carcinoma
Grade LOWERED to 2 (from three)
This is super news! Less aggressive disease process= less likely spread
Dr. G would have recommended they do the oncotype so is glad that's well underway.
He removed my tape (finally) -- clipped a stitch which was sticking out. Says wound looks good. He seemed pleased and happy for me, in his own nerdy way.
Tumor 1.1 cm (smaller than previously thought)
Clear margins (healthy tissue all around tumor removed -- so got it all )
So confirmed stage one tumor
No lymph node involvement so no metastatic carcinoma
Grade LOWERED to 2 (from three)
This is super news! Less aggressive disease process= less likely spread
Dr. G would have recommended they do the oncotype so is glad that's well underway.
He removed my tape (finally) -- clipped a stitch which was sticking out. Says wound looks good. He seemed pleased and happy for me, in his own nerdy way.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Gifties upon gifties
I have great friends. That's not enough to really indicate the support I feel from all of you. Marissa sent over the scrumptious dinner the other night and followed it up with chocolatey goodness (my thighs hate you; the rest of me, however...).
We received movies on the Austin/Hegnauer clan -- such a nice gift!
And...more mail always enjoyed!
A jackolantern charm didn't make it in the pics but came courtesy of Dan who loves Halloween (as do I) and has found its home in my talisman bag that travels with me.
Some send stuff some text or message or call... All is appreciated. All is needed.
Off to the train station directly. Choochoo!
We received movies on the Austin/Hegnauer clan -- such a nice gift!
And...more mail always enjoyed!
A jackolantern charm didn't make it in the pics but came courtesy of Dan who loves Halloween (as do I) and has found its home in my talisman bag that travels with me.
Some send stuff some text or message or call... All is appreciated. All is needed.
Off to the train station directly. Choochoo!
Monday, August 20, 2012
More waiting
Oncotype test sent in on Friday afternoon by the oncologist. I'm looking at this as a good sign, I.e. he has doubts that chemo is a certainty. Now more waiting -- this also means that chemo won't start probably any earlier than Sept. 7th.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Nice surprise (s) in today's mail...
My sister makes super cool envelopes and sent me this really nice cow card.
And my insurance covered the entire cost of the $3300.00 genetic test.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Nuts and bolts
This recovery shit is for the birds. So wanting to do more than my body or my boyfriend allows. Went to shoo a fly yesterday and hurt myself. I mean really, shooing a fly should not be something beyond my capability.
Had three conversations yesterday with 3 different nurses.
Jackie - I don't like her
D____? - called on behalf of Paula and got my rage
Paula - knowledgeable and calm
After a fair amount of frustration and a bit of shouting, we seem to be back on track.
The news:
Paula says I have a beautiful pathology report! Noting new was noted until she said the grade post pathology was 2-3 (post biopsy it was graded a 3). I'm hoping that this minor adjustment on the 3 point scale might cause them to rethink their recommendation on the chemo.
She'll be talking with Dr. Naughton (oncologist) on Monday about if he feels the oncotype test would provide information that would sway treatment recommendations. Last time when I saw him, which was before genetic testing and before surgery, he was recommending chemo with no consideration of the oncotype. If he now feels like chemo is not a certainty based on the other results -- he'll want to see the oncotype as it will provide info to solidify his recommendation one way or the other. If he's still adamant on the chemo, there's probably not a huge reason to do it... Unless I'm needing more before accepting this decision.
If chemo is the decision then my next appointment would entail labs, evaluation and decision on wether to have a port installed, and then my first dose of chemo. So a one- two day visit.
I'll see both Dr. Gillanders and Dr. Naughton on this trip (August 22-23) -- just to do my post op evaluation and clearance and to find out more specifics on the chemo plan. If we do the oncotype it's 3 more weeks of waiting before we would start chemo ( or radiation). If we aren't waiting or if we aren't doing chemo at all--- well the I think the next appt. could be in a week ( but I'll find that out more when I talk with him).
My hope ( which may not come true ) is that even if I do chemo and radiation to be done by the end of the year. It's possible if we are mindful but highly dependent on things like how long of a wait is required between between chemo and radiation.
I talked a bit with Paula about the side effects of chemo she says they have gotten very good at treating most of the side effects and so few women suffer a lot of nausea or vomiting anymore. The two symptoms they are not able to really control is the intense fatigue and the "feeling of having been hit by a Mack truck." sounds like first week after treatment you have mild symptoms, 2nd week you have more intense symptoms, third week you feel better and then you get your next dose.
Had three conversations yesterday with 3 different nurses.
Jackie - I don't like her
D____? - called on behalf of Paula and got my rage
Paula - knowledgeable and calm
After a fair amount of frustration and a bit of shouting, we seem to be back on track.
The news:
Paula says I have a beautiful pathology report! Noting new was noted until she said the grade post pathology was 2-3 (post biopsy it was graded a 3). I'm hoping that this minor adjustment on the 3 point scale might cause them to rethink their recommendation on the chemo.
She'll be talking with Dr. Naughton (oncologist) on Monday about if he feels the oncotype test would provide information that would sway treatment recommendations. Last time when I saw him, which was before genetic testing and before surgery, he was recommending chemo with no consideration of the oncotype. If he now feels like chemo is not a certainty based on the other results -- he'll want to see the oncotype as it will provide info to solidify his recommendation one way or the other. If he's still adamant on the chemo, there's probably not a huge reason to do it... Unless I'm needing more before accepting this decision.
If chemo is the decision then my next appointment would entail labs, evaluation and decision on wether to have a port installed, and then my first dose of chemo. So a one- two day visit.
I'll see both Dr. Gillanders and Dr. Naughton on this trip (August 22-23) -- just to do my post op evaluation and clearance and to find out more specifics on the chemo plan. If we do the oncotype it's 3 more weeks of waiting before we would start chemo ( or radiation). If we aren't waiting or if we aren't doing chemo at all--- well the I think the next appt. could be in a week ( but I'll find that out more when I talk with him).
My hope ( which may not come true ) is that even if I do chemo and radiation to be done by the end of the year. It's possible if we are mindful but highly dependent on things like how long of a wait is required between between chemo and radiation.
I talked a bit with Paula about the side effects of chemo she says they have gotten very good at treating most of the side effects and so few women suffer a lot of nausea or vomiting anymore. The two symptoms they are not able to really control is the intense fatigue and the "feeling of having been hit by a Mack truck." sounds like first week after treatment you have mild symptoms, 2nd week you have more intense symptoms, third week you feel better and then you get your next dose.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
BFF's
So I received another care pkg today! This one from my BFF, chock full of goodies and love -- socks n whiskey-- and other pretty smelling goodness.
The love the most important. The lemon bars are pretty stellar too.
I can't tell you the love I have for this gurl...she's pretty as close to me as you can get. Someone that understands my brain and emotions...my friend for eva'
The love the most important. The lemon bars are pretty stellar too.
I can't tell you the love I have for this gurl...she's pretty as close to me as you can get. Someone that understands my brain and emotions...my friend for eva'
Family, Friends, and gnome-y socks
Sometimes family, friends, and gnome-y socks is all it takes to forget about the unpleasantness I face...it helps if these things converge over amazing food at my favorite restaurant.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Missing in action
Oh here they are... Couldn't find these for a minute. Remembered the one was being used as a book mark and the other had traveled to work with me.
Good stuff.
Good stuff.
Care package!
My younger siblings rock and sent me a pkg chock full of love and thoughtfulness. Homemade cookies too! Think I'll use my ducky as my "pump up your veins" dealy for squeezing. I'm sure the nurse won't mind the squeaking...
Mail!
So nice to hear from everyone. I love getting mail. Seriously, it's a nice balance to the other stuff that arrives. Dan's stories of woe along with the tabloids... Always good medicine! 
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Surprises
So I guess one of the main gifts I will get from my cancer is learning to be flexible. This is something I have been working on but still plagues me a bit both at home and in work. I'm a planner; and I'm good at it. If everything would just go as planned, well then all would be well. As we know however things rarely go as planned -- better to think of plans as framework or the structure of something not yet discovered -- allowing enough space in your plan and in your head and sometimes your heart for variations on a general theme or a completely different outcome from your launchpad of an idea. Learning to think this way; feel this way; live this way I can only imagine will make me better, freer, less stressed but perhaps just as crazy.
Good news!! According to the post surgical pathology, they seem to have excised the tumor in its entirety. [yah I know, you didn't really consider that sometimes they don't, and have to go back in for additional surgery-- a little nugget I refused to really acknowledge ]
Good news!! No lymph node involvement!
There seems to be some confusion / differing opinions / miscommunication -- or maybe just a change in plans regarding what happens next... So my oncologists nurse is going to talk with my oncologist on Thursday and then talk with my surgeon's nurse... And then hopefully we will resolve the following questions:
1. Is the oncotype test still going to be done? Will it provide any additional info at this point which will effect suggested treatment?
2. Is chemo still suggested by Dr. Naughton, now that we have negative genetic mutation, negative lymph nodes, and clear margins on the tumor?
3. If it is, when do we get started?
4. Can my follow up to surgery and the first chemo appt take place in the same trip to st. Louis?
For now I have a follow up appt. in St. Louis for the 23rd, until we can resolve all the above.
And so we wait...
Good news!! According to the post surgical pathology, they seem to have excised the tumor in its entirety. [yah I know, you didn't really consider that sometimes they don't, and have to go back in for additional surgery-- a little nugget I refused to really acknowledge ]
Good news!! No lymph node involvement!
There seems to be some confusion / differing opinions / miscommunication -- or maybe just a change in plans regarding what happens next... So my oncologists nurse is going to talk with my oncologist on Thursday and then talk with my surgeon's nurse... And then hopefully we will resolve the following questions:
1. Is the oncotype test still going to be done? Will it provide any additional info at this point which will effect suggested treatment?
2. Is chemo still suggested by Dr. Naughton, now that we have negative genetic mutation, negative lymph nodes, and clear margins on the tumor?
3. If it is, when do we get started?
4. Can my follow up to surgery and the first chemo appt take place in the same trip to st. Louis?
For now I have a follow up appt. in St. Louis for the 23rd, until we can resolve all the above.
And so we wait...
Monday, August 13, 2012
Back to work
So apparently laying down and resting IS good for you after surgery. Just sitting up all day has taken a bit of a twingey toll on my boo-boos. I did pretty good at avoiding things that hurt with a little assist from Henry.
Things that hurt:
1. Putting the car in gear; changing gears
2. Looking back over my shoulder to back up
3. Steering with my right arm
4. The seat belt
5. Pulling open heavy doors ( I swear the door of my bldg. gained 15 lbs while I was away).
6. Taping boxes
I was good and didn't lift on that side but when a box fell off the counter at the po I did stretch to save it ( instinctively) and that was --- well a final reminder I am not yet healed.
Time to rest.
Things that hurt:
1. Putting the car in gear; changing gears
2. Looking back over my shoulder to back up
3. Steering with my right arm
4. The seat belt
5. Pulling open heavy doors ( I swear the door of my bldg. gained 15 lbs while I was away).
6. Taping boxes
I was good and didn't lift on that side but when a box fell off the counter at the po I did stretch to save it ( instinctively) and that was --- well a final reminder I am not yet healed.
Time to rest.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Breakfast before goodbyes
Bye St. Louis -- until next time. Thanks to all prayers and thoughts; calls, texts, and visits. I felt them and am well on my way to healing. 
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