A returning

We went back to STL last week.

A brief visit with my radiation oncologist and the physician's assistant (whose name I have not been able to obtain). Dr Z said that there was nothing he felt was worrisome and that he'd like to see me along with one of my other visits, taking my trips down to twice a year!

They checked out my weird spot on my leg. A bruise which hasn't changed in months and has a divet behind it... They also did not feel it was worrisome.

After a 15 min chat, I was done and free to .... Lay by the pool ... And then we napped. [T was on a nap- fest, we / he slept so much that first day!] We had a lovely dinner with Jezzy. And then returned to the hotel for a much needed nap. I forced T into getting up at 10pm for a trip out for ice cream, initially grumbly-- he perked up with a treat and a cute-girl waitress.

 

We scheduled this trip around our friend's Will and Sandra's show- the Beggar's Carnivale! (http://thebeggarscarnivale.com/)

And after a long lovely day at the botanical gardens, after a little antique/thrift store shopping, after a nice breakfast...we went to the show!

It was awesome and if I were a better person I would have taken more photos, but I suck and so I didn't.

Had a great breakfast at a little French place -- and indulged my new love of lemon curd there.

 

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September 6

So I keep getting confused about what I have posted where... Here's an entry from September 6

 

https://www.facebook.com/caitlinfriend.mcdiarmid/posts/546201902095907

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July 5

Tomorrow marks a year since diagnosis.

I am continuously amazed at the gifts this diagnosis resulted in.

I am forever grateful for all the love and support I have received from my family and friends.

I am feeling strong and joyful.

I am thankful for the APP and the Olivers for making our journey easy, giving us the security of steady incomes, continued employment, and heartfelt support

I respect and honor all the medical people who laid hands on me from surgery, to radiation, to chemo and beyond.

I acknowledge all the women who have gone before me who helped develop the new drugs, and therapies by participating in trials. This includes my mother.

I owe so much to my partner T who stayed by me through it all, and helped me keep perspective. Held me and loved me throughout. Never wavered, never turned away.

I am so proud of my kids who just pitched in and kept me laughing and mindful of my biggest blessings.

I am excited for the future.

I am.

 

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SUMMER

So it's shaping up to be quite the summer!

I managed for my 11th year - our Annual APP Conference in Vegas from June 9-14 (with me and my team of volunteers arriving on the 7th).  It was a crazy busy year - and none of us could figure out why until we ran some reports on Thursday and found out we were up about 30% in humans.  Since our usual growth is about 1% this was pretty phenomenal!  My team did so good, we had no complaints and everyone had such a good time.  The community feel was amazing.   I had a special year as T was able to come out for the first time! (Thank you Olivers!)  I think he was surprised at how awesome the group was - and I know he had a good time.  It made me very proud to have him with me and for him to be able to see the results of all my hard work.

After returning from a pretty exhausting week in Vegas - we headed off to STL for a follow up to my chemo (6 mo!).  Despite a bit of a glitch -

I am having such memory problems - I remembered booking a room and getting a confirmation - when none existed.  This on a day where the St. Louis Cardinals were playing the Cubs in STL - AND a national Baptist Convention in town.  NO ROOMS available anywhere -- on my tenth hotel... finally two rooms left! otherwise we would have been sleeping in the car...


-- the trip was a good one.  We wound up in a funny hotel where each room is named for an author - and it's all tutor and castle themed. BUT it was very nice and convenient... and our trip went very well. Got to see Jez again as she was in STL for guest spot -- we paddle boated and got sweaty together! 

My blood looks "perfect" and my tumor markers (proteins which usually are elevated if there's cancer present in your body) are as low as they go.  YAY! Next appt. will be in September with Radiation follow up - then March for surgery follow up, then August for Oncology again.  So seeing each one annually but staggering them so I am seen multiple times a year.

I am booked for trip to Denver in July- where I hope to hang from hooks (suspend) for the first time.  Alicia C. my sister, mother, friend, daughter - will facilitate.  We will say thanks and prayers and celebrate this year of challenges.  If you want to be there in spirit - please send talisman to Sol Tribe, attn C. McDiarmid, 56 Broadway, Denver Co 80203.  If you want to join us - come ahead! (contact me for dates and details).

The family is traveling this summer - with T and R going to France and Henry to NM - me to Denver in July and Minnesota in August.  I hope you are all well - thank you for your continued support is it one of my many blessings.

Spring

I know, I've been away for so long. But life...

The trip to STL happened. My mammo was clear which is good, cuz man wouldn't that have SUCKED?!

Radiation says things are fine. My rib pain is considered "normal" unless it continues even after taking anti inflammatories and since I don't do that regular who the heck knows?

Next check up: mid June after the conference. It will be my first oncology follow up to make sure I'm ok after chemo. Then radiation and oncology are supposed to be once a year but staggered so we see each other every six months.

I've gotten so many cards and letters (thanks everyone) and a few hats (thsnks cayla) and a gift pkg (thanks Sarah) ... And then yesterday spring flowers! Thanks Naomi and Mark!

In summary:
So yes the hair is coming back, and maybe the fatigue is even less, and possibly I see some lessening of the night sweats / hot flashes.

I still get the aches if I don't keep moving but may be I'm just getting old? :)

I've been dancing when class is held-- and it's awesome! Sweaty and spiritual and feels good ...

The tree across the way, my favorite, is in full bloom with giant pink flowers. I ponder my plans for the future - want to have a one year celebration dancing with friends and suspending for the first time. I want to find my bliss so ideas dance about my head when I should be working.

I do not want to lose the lessons I have learned - to be positive and grateful- to smile more and crab less - to attack problems head on and to know I'm in charge of my destiny. To find joy in every little thing.

Had some disappointments this month so need to watch out for getting sad... Push through to find the joy...in...every...little...thing.

Love you all-- for your strength, your humor and love; and support.

Snow. Snow. Snow.

Well we've decided to move all appts from this thursday to next week. It meant splitting them across wed/thurs due to availability but we'll adjust.

Storms just bad enough we don't want to risk it. Next week hopefully it won't be a blizzard again.

Gives me some time to get over my cold too. I've struggled with anxiety through this process of switching -- I don't like change of plans-- but didn't go into panic, emotional, melt down stage so that's good.

Eyebrows

Eeeek my eyebrows are coming out! What the hell?!? I cry foul, I'm supposed to be growing not shedding.

Little pink coat

Liberal KS - hmmm. Quite the coat selection for that guy.

Wow

Almost a week has gone by since my last post.

I have post vacation malaise. Or post cancer treatment malaise. Or both.

I'll continue to post here, though probably less frequently. I start my meds in, well any day now... And it will be interesting to see if I continue to be lucky or if they bring about new side effects.

Tamoxifen will block the hormone receptors in my breast tissue which is where the cancer cells (of my tumor type) like to find purchase and grow. Studies show that Tamoxifen usage significantly reduces recurrence in the first five years and on a lessor level continues to reduce risk for another five years. So worthy of trying it. Reports range from intolerable side effects to no side effects at all...

Feb 28th I and T will return to STL and I will see my radiation oncologist, my surgical oncologist, have a mammo; and get my port out! Though I've become accustomed to my "button," I'll be happy to not have it just the same.

I won't see my medical oncologist until mid June.

Finally getting the letter from Dr. Z to appeal the only bill denied by BC/BS. At the same time, BC/BS has "randomly" selected the APP for an audit...and we are having to prove that although incorporated in California, our employees (me) are eligible to be insured here in KS. Mild threats of canceling the policy should we not get reports/documentation to them have occurred which has stressed me out considerably.

Trying to get back in the swing of things, it's so hard...it all seems so "blah" but I'm sure my focus will return eventually.

I will also this weekend start the exercise plan to hopefully return my butt/thighs/belly to their former size. (or smaller, I was already up higher than I liked when the cancer weight was added so 20-30 lbs really) Rumor has it chemo changes metabolism permanently. If true, I have my work cut out for me. You know it's bad when I start looking at Zumba as a viable option.

In a final note before I post photos of our trip home from NM...

The Oliver's could use a whole mess of prayers and good energy and candle lighting right now. They've been a wonderful support to us and continue to be amazing employers for T. RBO we are so thinking of you...

Sad. Vacation coming to a close.

Had a good day-- French bakery for breakfast.

Found a killer dress at a second hand store (pictures later).

Got to get flirted with by the holy spirit coffee dude (he calls me love, and told me when I asked if it was closing time -- "god saves the best for last")

Found some great presents for friends.

Dinner at Il Vicino.

Games with T and Ruby.

Somehow we will get everything into the car. Right?

Santa fe you've been good to us. The first step in healing...thanks. We love you.

Closing days

Got up yesterday and headed off to brunch to meet up with Mary and the boys -- bonus, Jen was in town so got to see her!

Brunch was not the meal we had hoped for but sometimes these things happen. Did a little jackalope shopping on the way back to the hotel. I stopped in "the silk shop" and got to listen to shop keeper and friend speak Tibetan for about 20 min. Super pretty.

Soloed it on the plaza for a bit after we all got back to hotel. Brought home cookies for tea time...mmm ! Biscochitos!

Took a litte nap after knitting...then off to dinner at Pasqual's with Sharon and Shawn.

Dinner was great! The food always amazing -- tried the mole enchiladas, had a pineapple ginger juice, had piñon icecream and blackberry pie!

But really being in the company of Sharon and Shawn was the joy of the evening. We don't socialize much in lawrence and they are great conversationalists -- so easy and relaxed-- the kind of friends that make you want to spend more time with them - good laughs, good evening.

After returning to the hotel and waiting a bit -- T, R, H-- all headed to hottub (on roof) and I got a fire going...

Blessed again when H slipped but didn't smack his head or hurt anything serious.

Not sure what today will bring -- I know T has to figure out how to get everything in the car...our volume has increased considerably.

I'm quite sure it will also involve some good food. I was too busy enjoying the day apparently to take any pics..sorry for that!

Happy new year!

Had a lovely day in santa fe...

Had a surprise morning visit from Zach !

Ate breakfast out, we all spent a couple of hours in a bead shop-- and T surprised me with an amazing gift of an amber carving.

Zach, henry, and Mary (Z's mom) headed back to their place in the mountains. We met up with the carter family (Sally Carter and Ruby are friends) who are neighbors of ours. Had a nice chat and walk with them...

Then Ruby and Sally went off to shop as did T and I.

Ruby, T and I went to the French pastry place for lunch, and then wandered a bit more, before returning to the hotel.

We rested and after much debate -- went off to the Cowgirl for the NYE party (Zach Mary and Henry decided to not come in for it).

Let's just say the decision to go was not the right one and we soon returned to the hotel. Where we watched people and drank hot drinks until midnight.

A fire rounded out the night...