Wishes

I guess I should be making wishes on all these eyelashes...

Muppitized

Day 11

Yerg. What's happened to my taste? My lip stuff tastes like chemicals, all sweet flavors dulled.

Boo hiss.

On the upside I was up at normal time and out the door before noon.

And... I've got me a naughty nurse costume for halloween. Now just need a surgical mask...

Day 10

Did nothing in a productive way today. Took a short walk with T. Laid about mostly.

The Rubster and T were busy busy all day. Now cooking a dinner that smells delicious...

Feet bothering me. Nurse didn't phone script in on Friday so skin is still.. Untreated.

Feeling cold and weird. Thinking this is the WBC being effected.

 

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Worse thing about chemo

My ginger cookies taste like cardboard to me.

Fuck cancer.

Mail gifties!

Dan sent another pkg! I love him for his generosity. Thank him for the presents: super plate, stamper, and cool postcards.

Can't wait to do some mailing of my own...it's on the list of weekend tasks.

For those curious about the artist (of the plate):
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takashi_Murakami

And Lauren and Tyrell from Shepard (one of the contracted companies I work with every year at conference) sent a lovely card and pretty SOCKS!

It's people that make a good company and these folks have become part of my APP/conf family. They don't know everything but know I'm facing medical issues. Sweet of them.

Day 8

Sun is out. As is my smile.

Day 7

Skin is starting to do funky things. At this point I'm just controlling the itchiness and watching it. If no improvement by tomorrow guess I will call the nurse. Based on Internet pics looks probably like a general rash or fun-gi. Oh yay. The night sweats I'm sure contribute but what's a girl to do?

With chemo all the checks and balances don't work. You don't realize how our bodies take care of all this shit until we fuck it up for them and they can't keep things in balance.

My radiation site is worse than it was during radiation... This I heard about so not surprised but slightly amazed at how awful it looks.

I did do laundry, and ran a short work errand, and got some computer work done. But the stairs made me too tired to go for a walk, which shows how fatigue works.

A week out and I guess I'm continuing to improve but a bit sad thinking about doing it again. Eh there's bound to be these moments.

 

 

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Mail! And presents

Momma and gma and Robert sent me a pkg, hats! And a book to log my side effects etc (which is important to the docs ).

T bought me firemen toys and farm animals. We will use the animals to continue Henry's grumpy poppa series on Facebook ... This morning a tiny big horned sheep ...

Day six

Through the worst of it I believe. Going to go off my anti inflammatories and see if it matters. Worry about them masking my fevers should I get one.

T got me some better toothpaste so hopefully it will help me to brush more often-- it hurts with current paste so easy to put off.

Gonna try to do a little work today. Stomach seems so much calmer hoping it holds.

Day five

Drugs help but make me sleep more.

Digestion still iffy. Trying to eat some anyway. T made me toast with the edges cut off! He's sweet.

Everyone pitching in here so I don't have to do anything but rest and take care of my health. I love them for this and for their voices in my day.

Walked a bit further but varied my route so that I was closer to home in case I felt bad.

I'm slow and a bit wobbly.

Hopefully will test my brain out some tomorrow.

Hollye Harrington Jacobs: Finding Silver Linings During Breast Cancer

In October 2010, I learned firsthand how life changes in an instant. My peaceful life was interrupted in an abrupt, unimaginable way when I felt a stabbing pain in my right breast. Immediately, I began the long ride down the twisting and pot-hole-filled breast cancer road.

I've always been a half-full kind of girl. When I was diagnosed, my first thought was: This could have been so much worse. It was at this moment, literally from the time of my diagnosis, that I became conscious of the need for optimism and began looking for (and finding!) Silver Linings.

Here's what I know for sure about Silver Linings:

1. Silver Linings come in little and big packages. From watching a hummingbird outside of my bedroom window (because I was too sick to stand) to being cancer-free (after enduring the longest and most painful year of my life), Silver Linings are present. All you have to do is look for them.
2. Silver Linings don't take away the pain, but they do provide balance and perspective. Pain and sadness are important and valuable feelings that need to be processed during and after any rotten experience. The beauty of Silver Linings is that they don't take away the rain. Rather, they provide an umbrella.
3. Finding Silver Linings is a choice. Sometimes it is a really, really hard choice. For example, one day when I was in the bottomless pit of despair and found myself laying on my bathroom floor unable to get the six feet to my bed, I looked for a Silver Lining. I knew that one would appear. At the moment -- the precise moment -- I looked for the Silver Lining, my dear husband and dog came into the bathroom floor and sat with me until I could muster the strength to get to my bed.

One Silver Lining of my breast cancer experience is that I have learned that inexplicable tragedy creates an opportunity to take righteous anger and sadness and turn it into a force for doing good. No it's not easy. I would never sugarcoat the fact that it can be hard. But what I do know for sure is that dumbfounding circumstances and even outrage can be redirected and channeled into action that yields positive outcomes. This is the ultimate Silver Lining.

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My friend April

Crazy girl

Day four

A bit less icky.

Did call and talk with nurse getting prescript for mouth and aches. She says I shouldn't take the nausea meds if I'm not actually nauseous, so I'll try that.

Tired but I'll get up and walk again here in a bit.

Took some Advil hopefully will take the edge off.

Weird doing nothing. Not my comfort zone.

Took a walk

Everything hurts.

Kinda like fall is burning inside me and over me.

I feel like the trees look in the park.

Day 3

Oh ick.

I'm sick.

Knew it was coming, still made me cry when I felt so awful this morning.

A bit better now but tired, achy, mouth hurts, teeth hurt, stomach hurts.

Took a walk, started a book

Took a lovely walk in the warmth today. It was much warmer than they predicted I think. T went with me to keep me entertained and make fun of my chicken hair... It was nice to be out in the sunshine.

He's werking on cleaning and other domestic chores and snuck this "back of the floppy Mohawk" while I was un-awares.

Old mail new mail

Birthday box from Red: warm hat, 2 eff-cancer shirts, creep tastic card, purdy smart wool socks!

Got another card from her, letter from Doris and card from DeeDee.

Lavender eye pillow from the gracious Elsie (kids' gma).

Last week (?) got the unicorns are jerks coloring book from Daniel.

Again the blogger app doesn't keep the photos in order loaded so it's like a matching game for you all.

So appreciative of all the support and love.

Port-astic

My new bionics. Puckery and shiny cuz of the dermabond over the incisions. Sore as f*** still but not too much bruising. The circular raised portion above the lower incision is where they punch the needle through.

Homeward

We are just a few moments from home. Travel uneventful, thankfully.

Happy hippo

Present from my hunny.

Day one

Slept ok except I kept trying to scratch catching my nails on my port spot SUCKS.

After a dose of steroids and a shower .. It was a rush to get ready to get back to the hospital as the nurses discovered last night the port people had glued the gauze into the incision site... So back to get it all fixed up.

Stomach is hurting and headachy.

Tired.

Not to bad all things considering.

Pics...

1. I point out I am an allergy
2. Waiting for the doc
3. Getting chemo
4. Pre-port

Port installed

I'm on drugs.

Woozy.

Getting coffee and snack.

All went well.

Mail!

Got a super dooper pkg from Mr. and Mrs. Kelso yesterday; a definite day brightener!

These lovely folks got married in Vegas at this year's conference. I was honored when Marah asked me to give her away ... They're special people and their gifties are much appreciated.

Errors

So I guess my posts from my iPad got listed as pages instead of posts-- so now they are out of order. Best advice. Deal with it. Consider it a preview of the future where time travel is possible!

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Looking ahead

We'll leave out this Wednesday for St.louis. The schedule on Thursday is:

8:am Port installation -- this is so they don't have to find a vein each time and fry it in the process. I actually get knocked out for this procedure...

 

10:45 lab appointment

 

11:00 Dr. Naughton

 

Noon: Chemo - the nurse notes that although chemo usually just takes 2 hours it will take longer this first time as they go really slow to make sure I'm handling it ok and that of course if I don't handle it well, well... then it takes even longer. I will get both steroids (so I don't have an allergic reaction) and anti nausea drugs prior to the delivery of the chemo. They will also send me home with them.

 

She says that typically women feel pretty good on Friday - by sat/sun they feel like they have the flu / achy which lasts until mon/ tues. During that first week they often have diarrhea fatigue numbness in their hands and feet. After that first week most feel better and are able to return to most of their usual activities. She warns "but we really don't know which side effects you might have...".

 

I'm hoping her rather bland yet rosy outcome is exactly what I suffer, but I'm still prepared for all the rest of it; just in case.

 

Made a roast and chocolate chip pumpkin bread today. I will miss feeding my family; I have a feeling that even if I feel up to it the Poppa bear won't let me in the kitchen...

 

Looks like my sister and Red are lined out to come in November and December so that will be a help.

 

Head shaving tonight...

 

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Arrival

Girl at the front desk remembers me and remarks on my new doo "hmmm something's different about you...I like it!"

Agenda for the evening:

 

Room service dinner followed by movie in the theater downstairs.

Sleep.

 

I ordered Mac and cheese from the kiddie menu and fries. I feel it's the safest food on the menu. Oh and caramel cheesecake. Cancer is gonna make me fat. I will need to do a lot of walking at this rate.

 

I can't eat after midnight. But I'm supposed to have something before chemo. But my schedule is pretty jammed packed. So I guess my diet starts tomorrow, granola bars... Maybe a yogurt.

 

I can't say I'm not nervous. But really I just want it to be over and get home again.

 

 

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Yawn!

We are here. I'm desperate for coffee .. . Whine whine

It was cool and windy but we walked anyway.

I forgot deodorant.

Boo.

Mail!

Sleeping hat from my Mickey.

Mad libs, stickers, great card, and kix krispies from Marissa!

Oh shoot forgot to take some pics. Other mail will have to wait...

Rainbow

On the road

Only my hair

Can take a mohawk and make it a celebration...

Sigh.

For Zach!

(with a tip of the hat to Mark and Jeff)

So T shaved my hair into a Mohawk - I wanted this step in order to acknowledge my stepson Zach - he's an integral part of my daily survival plan and has shown me how tough a spirit can be in the face of illness.

He's taught all of us so much and keeps us smiling and recognizing nature's gifts every step of the way.

He's gone au-natural recently but in my head he's forever mohawked.

(I lost a bet in college, was supposed to get a Mohawk and backed out -- do here's my amends boys)

I was gonna just do this as a two day thing before chemo but I kinda like it and I hear the hair lasts about a week or so... So maybe I'll keep it til after this first treatment.